Half Truths and Whole Lies
by Mistress DragonFlame
Summary: [ONESHOT]“And you left him!” “What could I do? She was looking at me like I was the next piece of flesh waiting to be chopped up into soup!” [Implied AnkoIruka]


**Title** – Half Truths and Whole Lies  
**Rating** – PG  
**Pairings** – Implied Iruka/Anko  
**Summary** – "And you _left_ him!" "What could I do? She was looking at me like I was the next piece of flesh waiting to be chopped up into soup!" Implied Anko/Iruka  
**Author **– Mistress DragonFlame  
**Beta** – Oni-Angel (Not on FFN)

:3 I was, and am, extremely happy to realize out of the few searchable Iruka/Anko fics, '_He Cares_' had the most reviews per chapter when I last checked. So I made this, feeling the pride in my chest and my head inflating with ego. Enjoy!

**XXXXX**

It was a bright, normal morning. The sun was just peeking over the rooftops, the air was clean and fresh from the rain the night before and the deep, rich smell of old trees nowhere but Konoha possessed. Kakashi couldn't help but smile. This was his home, and he was proud to call it his own.

But his smile turned slightly evil as he made his way to the house of his chuunin 'friend'. Kakashi planned out this entire day, starting the day with going down to the bar and drinking with some friends, but of course, first snagging a free breakfast from the ever-too-nice academy teacher, because he _couldn't_ just leave Kakashi to **starve** as he had such a _difficult_ day a head of him, teaching Naruto and all.

Of course Naruto was off somewhere and wouldn't be under his tutelage for a little while yet, but Iruka didn't need to know that.

Whistling with each step, he calmly walked up the walls of the small apartment building Iruka lived in. Four windows up, two from the left, and he found himself peering into the warmth of the small, slightly dirty, kitchen. With all the daftness his ninja career gave him, he slid open the window and hopped into the flat.

His back to the hallway, he eyed the dirty dishes and slight mess around the counters with slight confusion as it was common knowledge that the chuunin was almost obsessed with keeping everything tidy in his home. But before he could call out to his friend, he heard the distinctive sound of the bedroom door opening.

"Ah, Iruk-AHHH!" He turned and saw someone he never, ever, EVER would have even _wanted_ to see first thing in the morning, let alone expect walking in wearing nothing but a large black chuunin top barely brushing her thighs from the bedroom of the seemingly innocent teacher.

"'Morning..." Anko mumbled, eyes slightly dulled from sleep. As if it was the most natural thing in the world, she brushed passed the terrified jounin to get to the coffee machine, programmed to start preparing a nice cup well in advance of the owner's awakening. The room was near silent as she went about pouring herself a cup, and the quiet was only broken when she turned and leaned against the counter top nursing off the black mug. "What're you doing here so early?" She purred, but all she got was some slightly incoherent mutterings.

Sighing, she shot him a look over her cup. "Geez, Kakashi, you look like you've seen a ghost."

Indeed he did, still partially clinging to the wall as if willing himself to merge with it, eyes wide and terrified. "W-what have you done to him?" He finally managed out, barely more then a whimper.

Her face twisted into a devilish smile. "Who, Iruka?" She shrugged, "Last I knew he was sleeping like a baby. Must have been exhausted from last night." Sighing dramatically, she reached up above her head and stretched, exposing even more leg then before and definitely proving she wore nothing underneath, much to his displeasure.

Kakashi, eyes still in the pure white terrified form, glanced from the bedroom door and back to the grinning she-devil of the Do-Not-Touch verity. There was one rule the single—and most of the married—sane men of Konoha knew, and that was to stay as far away from Anko as possible. Her sex drive was legendary, rivaled only by her insatiable lust for _blood_. Only the bravest, and stupidest, men would ever want to be with her willingly, and now Iruka had seemingly joined their ranks... If he hadn't been killed and eaten already. She was up now, and eyeing him with a glint in her eye that made his ninja senses go haywire, dread filling his stomach, over riding the worry he had for his friend in sake for his own safety.

"I...gotta go!" He flung himself out the window and was a pinpoint in the distance in no time.

**XXXXX**

"And you _left_ him!" Genma cried, scandalized.

"What could I do? She was looking at me like I was the next piece of flesh waiting to be chopped up into soup!" Kakashi, quite a few drinks heavier since his encounter that morning, whimpered as he rested his head on the cool, slightly wet wood of the bar table.

"He was such a nice young man too, so full of passion and youth!" Gai cried, far fewer drinks then Kakashi but just as drunk. "I shall mourn his passing."

"Hey, he might not be that bad off. I mean, he's _Iruka_. What would _Anko_ want from him? It could all be a simple misunderstanding." Asuma asked, fiddling with the peeling label of his beer.

He was met with a variety of drunken stares, and he could feel sweat forming from their intensity. "What?"

They all shook their heads and disregarded his comment.

"If he is still alive, I wonder what he still has..." Genma said off handedly, senbon bouncing up and down with the movement of his lips.

"I hear she has a fetish for biting off a mans tongue and eating it when she kisses them."

"Egh, I don't want to think about it," Asuma winched at Genma, his hand gripping at his crotch in sympathy.

"Right after that, she jabs their eyes out with her fingernail."

"I heard a rumor once that she searches out the seduction assassinations just so she can kill the guy after she screws him."

Gai turned wide eyed to Genma, "Really? But I thought... Konoha doesn't _take_ those missions anymore."

"Not to mention gnawing off his nose," Kakashi still muttered, partially in his own world.

"She gets them from other villages." The chocolate haired main dutifully replied, ignoring the horrified looks Gai and Asuma gave him.

"I think she goes for the ears, too..."

"Hey guys, who are you talking about?"

A new, sober, voice caused them all to freeze in terror and slowly turn their heads to the source.

**XXXXX**

Anko chuckled darkly at the Copy Ninja and drank from the cup in her hand, but then keys rattling in the door's lock alerted her to the owner of the apartments returning. "Good morning, Iruka. I didn't know you left." She greeted, face full of innocence.

Behind a large brown bag of produce, Iruka smiled at her and shut the door. "I couldn't sleep, so I decided to make breakfast, but I found I was missing a few things. Were you up long?" He walked into the kitchen and set down the bag, after pushing a few cluttering items out of the way with a frown at them.

"No, I just got up. Thanks for letting me borrow your shirt." She chirped happily, lightly trotting to sit at the small table situated just so she could still watch his every movement.

"No problem, Anko-san. I couldn't very well leave you to catch a cold in your wet... outfit." From her position, she saw him blush slightly at mentioning her clothing, and she couldn't help but grin. Idly, he put the dishes scattered around into the sink—presumably for later cleaning—and quickly wiped down the work area before starting on the freshly bought eggs.

Still drinking her coffee, Anko thought back to the night previous. It was raining so much that just a few instants in the open would soak a person from head to toe. She had just returned from a long mission and made her way back to her small apartment to find it had burned down the day after she left. Yelling her frustrations into the high heavens, she cursed that she forgot to turn off her stove before leaving and now it came back and to bite her in the ass.

As luck would have it, as she sat against the blacked remains of the entrance, still mourning the death of all her things, Iruka had passed by, and asked what had happened while he sheltered her from the rain with his scraggly umbrella. Bitterly she told him that her home had burned to ashes, and then sighed and started to get up to make her way to the nearest inn, but he was not to have that. He offered his bed—he would sleep on the couch—and a warm dinner in sympathy.

Kind of shocked at him as no one had been that kind to her without some ulterior motive in a long time, she smiled softly and accepted, allowing him to help her up.

A slight warmth bloomed in her chest and she giggled slightly, finishing her caffeinated drink. She had contemplated getting him drunk and ravishing his prone body, but found him too innocent and nice for her to do that. It was just luck that her sadistic nature could be used on a surprised Kakashi, and she exploited her reputation flawlessly. Hm, she thought, how will Iruka's own reputation be affected? Ah well, not her problem.

"What's so funny?" He said, placing a plate before her and sitting across from her with a slightly pained look flashing across his face as he attempted to sit straight in his chair.

"Nothing," She said, biting back her laughter and starting on the delicious looking meal before her. "What's wrong with your back?" She asked, mouth full of egg and not looking at him.

"Just realizing I need to replace my couch, Anko-san." Stretching in his seat, he smiled at the satisfying crackle that came from his spine.

"Oh, Kakashi came by when you were gone. Said for you to meet him and some other people at some bar before they all have to leave on missions, or something."

"He did? Did you tell him that I'd be here shortly?"

She shrugged, "He seemed to be in a hurry for some reason." The smile wasn't so much as innocent, as it was twisted, but the chuunin didn't notice.

"Too bad."

The chatted lightly and finished breakfast. As he washed the dishes, she fetched her clothes that had been placed in the dryer the night before and got dressed.

Quickly hugging him from behind and placing a light peck on his cheek, she grinned wickedly at his blush. "Thanks again for letting me spend the night. But I have to go now and hunt down the bastard landlord of mine. See yeah!" And she disappeared in a poof of smoke.

Iruka stood in his kitchen, soapy hands on his hips. Anko was a strange one, but he could tell she was actually just a lost person needing some kindness. He wondered why her name seemed so familiar though...

Sighing, he finished the dishes.

**XXXXX**

Iruka stood there before his friends, having made his way down to their common meeting point after he finished tidying up his home from Anko's stay. He blinked as he took in their utterly shocked—and slightly apprehensive—faces as they gapped at him in open horrification. Even Asuma, the skeptic, looked at him as if he was a zombie.

He started sweating nervously as the time wore on and the silence started to eat at him, as much as the wide eyed terrified looks directed his way. "What?" Gai lifted a hand ever so slowly and reached for his jacket with a sense of disbelief. He avoided the encroaching fingers, not too keen on being at the probable brunt end of another one of the pranks the Jounin play. "Look, um, I see you guys are busy and, um, I have a lot of paper work so I'll just... I'll just see you later." He hurriedly turned and skittered away from the gaping group.

"He... Looked so real..." Kakashi murmured, amazed hint to his voice as he watched the chuunin disappear out the bar's door.

"Almost as if you could reach out and touch him..." Gai said, hand still reaching for the spot where Iruka once stood.

"I'll miss that guy. He was nice, a good man." Genma nodded, sipping at his drink. "To Iruka, may his memory live forever." He slurred slightly, glancing around at the others with hazed filled eyes, "We should hold a funeral after we get back from this mission, or something."

"To Iruka!" The rest chimed, nodding, and in unison gulped down from their respective alcoholic drinks.

It was a week later when Iruka was paying his respects at the Memorial stone when he saw a name he never would have expected to see there:

His own.

**XXXXX**

Ahaha! I couldn't help it, this was such a funny idea! I know, I know. I keep teasing you people for a real Iruka/Anko, but don't worry, I have one planned (I just need to start working on it). And by the by, the ending was only just saved as there was this crappier ending that came before it; it was only by luck I came up with that one.

You know what makes me sad? My other Iruka/Anko, nearly every single person who read it misinterpreted it! Iruka was never in her house that day! ;-;

Ah well, review:3 Pwease? You know, I read every review I get, and keep the alerts I get with them?


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